


Dysrhythmia

by lotrspnfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amputation, Angry Dean Winchester, Car Accidents, Emotional Manipulation, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Jargon, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Paralysis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 15:29:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14596056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotrspnfangirl/pseuds/lotrspnfangirl
Summary: Castiel lived in a perfect rhythm, each day in sync with the last. His weeks were planned to the hour, chalk full of training, marathons, meal planning, down to every second of his free time, going for long rides out into the country in his father’s restored Camaro.It always comes down to the change, when the normal function of his day to day life becomes anything but. When he wakes up in a hospital bed with no recollection of what’s happened, Castiel is hopeful that this is just a bump in the road. When he realizes that the accident that took his leg also changed the life of another, he knows that his life will never return to normal.Dean Winchester is angry, and rightfully so. But he agrees to let Castiel make up for his family’s mistakes. His father urges him to continue with his training, to focus on healing and getting into the paralympics. But for once in his life, Castiel has found something other than running to give him meaning. The abnormality that’s shoved it’s way into his perfect rhythm has given him focus.And maybe, somehow, Castiel can find a new normal.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Possible Spoilers! Inspired by a prompt at Destiel Forever on facebook. Original Prompt by Alana Radford:   
> Castiel Novak loves to run, almost as much as he loves to drive down the back roads of rural Kansas with his father, Chuck. When Castiel wakes up in the hospital with one of his legs missing, he’s absolutely scared to death. His future as an Olympic track star is ruined and he has no memory of how it happened. He learns from others though. His father was driving and the car hit Dean Winchester.
> 
> Castiel’s leg was amputated due to an infection that nearly killed him and Dean was paralyzed from the waist down. Unlike Castiel with his prosthetic leg, the doctors say Dean will never walk again.
> 
> Weeks later, Castiel suddenly remembers everything. His father tells him to forget about it, to let him take the blame. “Just focus on training for the Paralympics,” Chuck begs. But how can Castiel forget when he was the one driving?

“Castiel, this is our year! I can just _feel_ it,” Chuck laughed, banging his hands on the steering wheel for emphasis. 

Castiel couldn’t help but mirror his father’s enthusiasm, laughing back as he sank into the leather seat. Sunday was always his favorite day. His father set aside a day for all of his children -- Wednesday was shopping and dinner with Anna, Friday was a movie or bowling with Gabe, but Sunday was just for Castiel. The 1976 Camaro Z28 was his father’s pride a joy, restored and cared for well before Castiel was born. His dad claimed that the reason he and Castiel went for their drives was so that he could take her out once a week and keep her in good working condition, but Castiel knew the truth. 

Gabriel would beg and plead with their father to drive fast, whooping and cheering around every fast turn, and making sure anyone in their vicinity saw them zipping past. Anna just hated cars, would get nauseous on even the shortest rides, and would spend the entire time with her eyes closed and breathing quickly in and out through her nose. 

Castiel, however, loved the car as much as the drive. From a young age, he’d mimicked his father, running his fingertips along the shiny silver paint, learned all he could about every gear beneath her hood. It was the one place that Castiel could stop, relax, and sink into the comfort of her pristine leather seats and for once in his life stop moving. 

“How was training?” Chuck asked as he flicked on the blinker, easing them into the small dairy stand. The Rosen Dairy farm made their own ice cream, best in the county, and Castiel had planned his diet today to make room for the special treat. 

“It was good,” Castiel replied, reaching for the seat belt and slipping out after his father, meeting him at the front of the car. “I shaved eighteen seconds off my mile in the last two months.”

“Good boy,” Chuck laughed as he clapped Castiel’s shoulder, stopping them in front of the stand. “Let’s see if we can get at least another ten, eh?”

“Working on it,” Castiel agreed, smiling as Becky Rosen came up to the counter. 

“Hi Cas!” she exclaimed, blonde hair bouncing in place where it was tied up in her visor. “Hi Mr. Shurley! Isn’t it a good night?”

“Perfect for a drive, Becky,” Chuck winked at her and squeezed Castiel’s shoulder before letting his hand fall back. “Your mom doing alright? Haven’t seen her at the shop in a while.”

“Oh yeah, she’s great,” Becky nodded quickly, reaching around for their cones. She handed out two vanilla cones -- one with chocolate jimmies for Chuck -- and then leaned down on the metal counter. “Whatever you did last time to the tractor worked perfect, Mr. Shurley.”

“Glad to hear it. You tell her I said hello?”

“‘Course!” Becky waved them off, smiling wide as she called, “See you tomorrow, Cas!” 

“Becky always seems happy to see you,” Chuck commented as they moved to the small picnic table, taking their usual spots. 

“Dad.” Castiel barely refrained from rolling his eyes. “Come on.”

“You’re right, you’ve got more important things to worry about than girls, anyways.” Chuck winked at him and Castiel gave a half-hearted shrug, taking a bite of his ice cream and letting the sweet cream melt on his tongue. 

“This was worth it,” he said after a moment before taking another bite.

They ate their dessert in companionable silence, Chuck asking questions every once in a while about how training had been going and what Castiel’s track goals for the next few weeks were going to be. 

“Might be able to talk to that coach of yours into getting you an extra hour on the track in the morning before school, what do you think?”

Castiel was silent for a moment, thinking about where he would need to rearrange his evenings to account for getting up an hour earlier. 

“I think I could swing that, but you know Mom… if I gave up Piano -”

“Piano isn’t going to get you into the olympics,” Chuck snorted, crumpling his napkin in his first and pulling the keys from his pocket. “I’ll talk to her.”

Castiel nodded his agreement, taking care of their trash and returning to the table. Chuck was swinging the keys around his finger, squinting in the setting sun as he looked up at his son.

“You know I’m proud of you, don’t you, Castiel?”

Castiel felt the heat rising to his cheeks and he smiled, nodding his head as he focused on the keys instead of his father’s face. “Yeah, Dad, I know.”

Chuck was quiet for a moment before the jangling of the keys stopped and he stood. He swung one arm around Castiel’s shoulders, tugging him close to his side for a hug, and Castiel couldn’t help but melt into it, smiling. 

“Alright, son. Let’s get outta here. You driving, or am I?”

Castiel laughed and raced his dad to the car.


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, with Castiel, the 'infection' I chose to give him was actually something that I survived from. They were able to save my arm only because it hadn't gotten to my muscle yet. With necrotizing faciitis it is _very_ common for the individual to go into a coma, which is what I chose to do for Cas despite that not being my experience, and it is very common for someone to lose their limb or excessive tissue, if not their lives. I went into my first surgery after signing consent for them to amputate my arm at the shoulder; and when I woke up... I had no idea if I had my arm or not. I woke up to my mother sitting at my bedside, staring at me and crying and at nineteen, I thought my entire life was over. Infections are _not_ something to mess around with -- and that's my nurse speaking -- and should always be taken seriously. I am very lucky to still have my arm, never mind my life. That being said, some of the things that Cas will be going through are things that I went through myself. 
> 
> Also, be careful googling pictures if you're like me and like visuals. Half of them are NOT actually NF and they're all awful to look at.

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Whoooooooosh._

He grimaced at the sudden tightness around his arm and felt a flutter of panic in his chest. Everything felt heavy, stiff. His eyes were practically glued shut and he groaned as he tried to open them.

_Beep._

_Beep. Beep._

There was warmth – a hand? – smoothing over his forehead, and he focused on that, the touch edging on painful, until he felt heat flowing up his arm and darkness took him once more.

 

 

“Castiel? Baby, can you hear me?”

There was a voice to his left, the sound of it familiar…

“It make take him a little bit of time to become fully aroused,” another voice joined the conversation, but Castiel couldn’t place it… He could feel hands on him, the soft sound of buttons clicking and beeps. “He’s doing very well, though, Mrs. Shurley. His vital signs are stable, he’s tolerating this pain medication better than the last. Just be patient.”

“Be patient,” his mom started, but the voice cut in, soothing.

“I know, easier said than done. Can I get you a coffee? A muffin? I think the new grads brought in a bunch of donuts to butter us up, and I can snag you one from the break room?”

“Coffee would be perfect, thank you.”

_Beep._

_Beep._

_Beep._

“Castiel, baby, please…”

 

 

Pain was the first thing he was aware of – it radiated down his throat, burning and sharp as he took in a shaky breath, then rippled through his stomach as his entire body tensed. His arms were heavy, his head was pounding, the left side of his body from his hip down to his toes felt like it was on fire…

He gasped, the sound loud and echoing through his own head and he struggled to open his eyes.

The room was dark for a moment, then slowly came into focus. It was a hospital room, that much was clear from the computer fixated on the wall before him, boxes of gloves and masks and a sharp’s container hung up beside it. The walls were a muted blue color, matching the darker curtain half pulled around his bed and blocking the harsh light from the hallway.

He looked down the length of the bed, his entire body cocooned in the heavy white blankets and tucked beneath his armpits, his arms lying flat on either side of him. There were dark, healing scabs littered down each of his arms, an oxygen sensor stuck to his right pointer finger.

He couldn’t remember what happened.

From the corner of the bed behind his head, a soft ticking sound could be heard. Slowly, he craned his neck, wincing at the effort it took.

“Castiel?” A gasp and then a crack as a full coffee cup hit the floor, hot coffee splashing all over his mother’s sneakers and pants. He blinked his eyes, trying to clear them so he could focus on her face as she ran to the bedside. “Oh my God, Castiel! You’re awake!”

“Mom?” he tried to say, wanting to ask why he was here, what had happened, but all that came out was a strangled noise. He winced along with his mother, letting out a slow breath. She sank down beside him, perching herself on the edge of the mattress and reached for his hand.

“It’s okay baby, don’t try to talk yet. You’re okay.” Hannah smiled, tears rolling down her face, and it took two tries for him to squeeze her fingers where they were wrapped around his hand. The movement made her gasp, then sob, as more tears streamed down her cheeks.

“You’re okay,” she whispered, repeating it as a mantra. Castiel wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince him or herself, but he was grateful nonetheless.

“I’m going to call your dad, honey. He had to go home a few hours ago to make dinner for Anna and Gabriel. They’re all going to be so happy to hear that you’re awake.” She ran her fingers back through his hair, his scalp aching at the slight pull. But he nodded, watching as she stood and reached over to press the call light on the side of his bed.

A woman in all white scrubs walked in, pressing a button on the wall as she cocked her head to the side and looked at Hannah. “You doin’ okay, Mrs. Shurley?”

“Meg!” Hannah breathed out, reaching for the nurse’s hand, “He’s awake!”

The woman looked confused for a moment, then her brown eyes widened, and she turned to look at Castiel.

“Well, well, Clarence is awake!” She squeezed Hannah’s shoulder, then moved to the side of the bed, pulling a flashlight from her scrub pocket and clicking it on. “Look straight ahead for me,” she said softly, leaning down as she moved the light between each of his eyes. “Good, good… Okay, can you speak?”

Castiel glanced to the side, watching as Hannah slipped from the room, before returning his attention to the woman before him. She had her head cocked to the side and was pocketing her flashlight, her eyes trained on his face.

He shook his head.

“It’s going to hurt,” she replied, giving him a small smile. “It’s been a while, and we only extubated you yesterday. Can you try for me? Then I can get you something for pain, okay?”

He opened his mouth, wincing as his sandpaper tongue scratched against the roof of his mouth. Meg narrowed her eyes for a moment, thinking, then moved around the bed, coming back with a lime green sponge-swab and reaching for his chin.

“Alright, lets see if this helps… Can you open for me again?” Castiel complied, jerking back as she swiped the sponge across his tongue, fingers tightening just enough to hold his head in place as she went over his gums and the roof of his mouth. “I know, I know… that part sucks. But try now.”

He moved his tongue around, flattening it against the back of his teeth and leaning his head away from her and the swab before he opened his mouth again. “I…” His throat spasmed and he coughed, grabbing for Meg’s arm in alarm.

“You’re doing great, Clarence, I promise.” She waited a moment, then sank down to sit on the side of the bed. “Alright, one more time, okay?”

“I… Why…” Castiel started again, his voice sounding far off, his throat screaming out it’s protest. He swallowed again, forcing his tongue forward and focusing. “Why… Clarence?”

She stared for a moment, then let out a loud laugh. “Well, how else am I gonna know if you know who you are?” She winked at him and then reached forward, picking up both of his hands in each of hers. “Alright, can you squeeze my fingers?”

He did, knuckles popping and his skin feeling odd where it slid against hers. He looked up, watching her expression, but she only looked thoughtful before the smile was back again. “Do you know where you are?”

“Hospital.”

“No shit, Clarence,” she laughed again, lifting his left arm and bending it at the elbow and rotating it outwards. He wrinkled his nose at the feeling, about to ask her to stop when she asked another question. “Do you know what hospital you’re at?”

He looked around the room, then down at her name badge. _Megan Masters, RN BSN, PCCN, Lawrence General Hospital_. “Lawrence.”

“You’re too smart, Clarence. You know what day it is?”

Castiel narrowed his eyes at that, barely registering she’d moved onto his right arm, lifting and bending it the same way. “Its… Sunday.”

She nodded once, then repositioned his arm, sitting back and resting her hands in her lap. “Do you know the actual date?”

“April 25th… Sunday, April 25th.”

“And do you know who you are?”

“Not Clarence,” Castiel replied, nervous until she gave him a small smile. “Castiel Shurley.”

“Alright, my friend, I want to get you some pain meds for your throat, and I want to see how you’re doing in the next couple of hours before we try a sip test, okay? If you’re still doing okay, lets say around eight o’clock, I’m gonna bring in some water for you to sip and we can see how your swallowing is going.”

Over her shoulder, Castiel watched his mom return, a tight smile on her face as she watched them from the doorway.

“If that goes well, we’ll see about getting you something a bit better than water. Around that time, I’m also going to want to look at some of your bandages, okay? But I think your mom wants to talk to you first.”

Castiel looked between them and Meg smiled, reaching down to pat his hand on top of the blankets. She stood and nodded at his mom, leaning in to say something to her softly, before nodding back to him. “I’ll be right back, Clarence.” Then she slipped from the room.

“Mom?”

Hannah smiled, closing the distance between them and sinking into the spot Meg had previously been sitting in.

“Oh baby, it’s so good to hear your voice. Its been too long…”

Castiel shook his head, licking his lower lip slowly. “Just… since this morning.”

Hannah closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them, tears were shining in the overhead light. “Castiel, baby… there was an accident. That’s why you’re here.”

Castiel nodded slowly, looking down at her thumb running over the back of his hand, moving over the bumps and scrapes there.

“There was an accident two weeks ago.”

His eyes snapped up and he stared. Two weeks ago, _two weeks ago?_ He didn’t understand, this morning he had his track meet… he went on his drive with his dad and they’d stopped at the Rosen’s Dairy Bar… then they drove home and…

“You and your dad were in an accident on Route 40…”

Castiel shook his head. He remembered eating his ice cream, remembered his father telling him how proud he was, remembered getting into the car… they got into the car and…

“It’s okay, Castiel,” Hannah whispered, and he looked back at her, blinking away the tears in his eyes and hating the ones that were rolling down her cheeks. “They said you might not remember. You got very sick, baby, and…” Her voice cracked and Castiel closed his eyes.

Whatever she was going to say, he didn’t want to know. He couldn’t even remember getting into the car after they ate their ice cream. This had to be a dream, it couldn’t be real. If he’d gotten into an accident, wouldn’t he remember? Wouldn’t he remember at least driving half way home from the Rosen’s? Wouldn’t he remember –

“Baby, they did everything they could, okay? And your dad and I just needed you to be okay. We didn’t know what to do, and when they told us the odds, we just… I just…” She was crying harder now, her fingers gripped tight around his own, and he shook his head.

None of this was making any sense.

“Mom,” he whispered, her words stopping on a sob. “Mom, I don’t… understand.”

“Baby,” Hannah whispered, her hand moving forward to brush against his cheek. Castiel jumped at the contact and blinked open his eyes, bright blue mirrored back at him. “In order to save your life, we… they… we had to take your leg.”

Castiel stared, a high pitched ringing echoing through his skull. His mom’s lips were moving, her eyes darting back and forth between his, but he couldn’t hear a sound over the ringing.

He was vaguely aware of her hand on his, saw her shoulder shaking and followed it down to see she was shaking his arm. But he couldn’t feel it. Then she was gone, Meg’s face coming into view. She was speaking too, her lips moving quickly as she reached over him, the sharp scent of alcohol hitting his nose before a syringe passed in front of his vision.

He sank into the warmth flooding through his veins, glad to be rid of this nightmare.


End file.
